the land of endless space

in august last year i promised you "pictures and stories from exotic islands, equatorial glaciers and national parks teeming with large game". one and two have been ticked off, so it's time to deliver on the third and final aspect of that promise.

phuong and i went on a 5-day safari as the well-earnt relaxation branch of our tanzanian adventure.

with us were cosmos, our wonderful driver and guide, and yusuf our cook, in a safari van whose top popped open so that we could stick our heads out and gawk at the animals.

we were under the impression that we would be joined 2 dutch people, but had no idea as to their age or gender. phuong wanted the dutch to be two hot straight chicks. i wanted them to be two hot gay boys. in the end we compromised on one hot gay boy and his best friend hot straight chick who would turn up with their insatiable sexual appetites, find us irresistable, and the rest would be discovery channel all day and all night long...

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where was that damn magic lamp when we needed it?

instead, on the second day, we ended up being joined by a guy called zdenek. 3 guesses as to where he was from. so whilst it wasn't exactly the sort of work-out for my lips and tongue that i desired, zdenek's borderline refusal to speak english meant that my czech skills were really put to the test.

on our first day, the road to arusha national park provided beautiful views of the massive ice and snow covered crater of mt kilimanjaro in the distance.

we were smitten with our recent experience, and had to stop the car on a number of occasions just to get out and gaze at the mountain-god-beauty. phuong in particular was transported to another level and it was a pleasure just to behold the gallery of awe-struck facial expressions that crossed his face. we both agreed that the climb had been uber-amazing, and were glad for each other's confirmation of the experience, as alone it would have seemed too improbable, too dreamlike, too wonder-fucking.

geo-history lesson. 8 million years ago, africa's continental plate crashed into eurasia's, and as they pulled apart, africa almost snapped in two, creating a giant rift valley that stretches from the dead sea to mozambique. one of the many volcanoes that formed was ngorongoro, which spewed forth megatonne upon megatonne of ash and lava. this flowed westward, creating a vast open plain of super-fertile soil too thin to hold trees (the serengeti plain), and the largest volcanic crater in the world, which collapsed in on itself, only to be later filled with lush green grass, hordes of wild animals, and rabid groups of safari-struck tourists (the ngorongoro crater).

i won't labour over the details of each day. but suffice to say: imagine stopping your car because 33 giraffe had decided to cross the road? watching a group of 28 elephants playing in patches of mud and tearing down trees? a leopard lounging languidly on a tree branch? a lioness peering out at you through half closed eyes from atop a rocky outcropping, as dozens of vultures circle overhead? or over 60 hippos snoozing, shitting and fighting in a river at whose edge you're sitting? even the world-famous werribee zoo couldn't prepare us for it.

serengeti comes from the maasai word meaning 'the land of endless space', and there were times when we could only see grass and sky - not even a single tree or any other feature - all the way to the horizon, 360 degrees. it was that that really overwhelmed the senses, even more so that the animals.

the reason the serengeti national park and ngorongoro conservation area are so important is that they specifically protect the area used by the wildebeast on their annual migration - the last great animal migration in existence. over 2 million animals participate in this movement - south during the wet, and back north during the dry.

we were lucky enough to witness it on our last day - hordes of wildebeast running through the plains to join their cousins that grazed the land all the way to the horizon and beyond.

at night we slept in designated campsites which were visited by the odd elephant and lion, heightening the safari experience. there were little drop holes to shit in, but the smells that emanated from them induced central chest pain radiating down both arms, and were best avoided.

in the evenings, zdenek taught us new czech card games and we played these as the african sun set over the serengeti and the myriad giant insects emerged to suck our blood and drink our beer.

on the way back to arusha on the last day, we stopped at the olduvai gorge - a site where many of the earliest fossilised remains of human ancestors have been found: up to 2.5 million years old. even more exciting was a discovery at nearby laetoli of 3.5 million year old hominid footprints, which show a foot shape, great toe position and arch possessed by only one animal on earth today - us.

we looked at the cast of part of the footprint set (in its entirety it stretches to almost 30 metres). it shows two sets of footprints side by side, and a third set inside one of the others, where a third, medium sized hominid walked exactly in the footsteps of the first, larger one. to look at the actual footprint that one of our own ancestors made 3.5 million years ago is mindboggling.

of greater concern is that the fossilised remains of plant and animal species in the same ash layer are almost identical to the plant and animal species living in the same region today, some 3.5 million years later. but these plants and animals are now becoming extinct because of what current hominids are doing to the planet. sapiens sapiens? i don't think so. have we got any idea of what we're getting ourselves into?

we arrived back in arusha, and so concluded our tanzanian experience. it was time for the next adventure: kenya.

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pic 1 - phuong gawking out of the gawking wagon

pics 2,3,6,7,8, 10, 14, 15, 16 - animals animals animals!

pic 4 - wildebeast all the way to the horizon

pic 5 - the team on the ngorongoro crater - cosmos, phuong, yusuf, zdenek and ondrej

pic 9 - the land of endless space

pic 11 - the wildebeast migration

pic 12 - the sign says it all

pic 13 - serengeti sunset

no hurry in africa

Did you hear the one about the narcissist with the sore hip and the fat asthmatic who tried to climb mt kilimanjaro? if not, read on, but be warned: liki kili itself, this entry will be huge.

at 5896 metres, mt kilimanjaro is the highest mountain in africa, the highest free-standing mountain on earth, one of the largest volcanoes in the world, and P+O's next super-adventure :)

the interim period between zanzibar (which is derived from the arabic meaning 'land of the blacks' would you believe) was a circus: a nauseating flight in which the plane seemed to be gradually spinning counter-clockwise at all times, an endless bus-ride from no-where to no-where that provided the definition of 'are we there yet', a pre-booked hostel room that was given away to someone else, and an emergency stay in the wrong part of town where one of the drunken and drug-fucked staff snuck up from behind and gave my tits a damn good squeeze.

day one - we were picked up from the crack den by the tour company and taken to their office, where we handed over vast sums of american dollars and hired some things we didn't have - most importantly waterproof, down-feather jackets for the sub-zero nights and summit climb.

after registering at the national parks office, we drove around to the north east side of the mountain to begin our trek from a town called rongai. this route is less popular and slightly more difficult, but covers more of the mountain. we decided to climb over 7 days (rather than 6 or even 5) to maximise our chances of making it to the top without getting acute mountain sickness, and just to take it easy and have a great experience. by the time everything was organised and we had arrived in rongai, it was almost 4pm. it started pouring with rain about 10 minutes before we began our hike.

phuong was the first to discover that our water-proof, feather jackets not only didn't contain a single feather, but actually absorbed every fat, african rain drop that hit its surface. 20 minutes later he stood in his swollen red coat with water pouring out of the sleeves looking like something…untoward. not to mention very unimpressed.

that night, after wringing out out socks and undies, we crawled into wet sleeping bags for a well-deserved first night's sleep.

day one fact - our climbing party consisted of 11 people - P+O, our guide merdardi, and eight porters. it seems like an excessive number of people, but it turns out that it's absolutely standard.

day two - our things dried completely (even shoes!) as we lay them out in the african sun. we ascended to 2nd cave @ 3200m. it rained all afternoon.

day two fact - we ate like kings! no dried apricots or 2-minute noodles on this trip. we had hot porridge, sausage and scrambled eggs from breakfast, fish and chip lunches and dinners of spaghetti bolognese and beef stew, all the way up and down. and all cooked fresh - no wonder we needed 8 porters.

day three - we ascended to 3rd cave @ 3800 metres and went on an acclimatisation hike to 4750m. it started raining just after we got back. every day took us closer to the snow-capped crater of mt kilimanjaro, which we could always see ahead of us, and away from the vast, lush east african plains below.

day three fact - december 2006 had the first major snowfall on kili in 5 years. before that, there was no snow except inside the crater. we were very lucky!

day four was a foggy acclimatisation day in which we got up early to watch sunrise from a nearby rocky outcropping. it was majestic. upon our return an hour or two later, we found that a strange silence had descended over the camp. people refused to make eye contact and our guide was in tears, sitting on a bench staring into the middle distance. we were taken aside and informed that we had been naughty little boys and shouldn't have run away all by ourselves. there were hush tones, sideways glances and discussion about being eaten by lions, falling down cliffs and calling in a search party. everyone was disappointed. phuong felt really bad and i felt bored and hungry. we went on a quick acclimatisation hike before it rained in the afternoon.

day four fact one - our guide was a slimey little bastard who provided the absolute minimum of services, didn't answer any of our questions and was unavailable most evenings because he was passed out in his tent either stoned or drunk (unconfirmed, but high index of suspicion).

day four fact two - phuong and i spent most rainy evenings in the tent chatting and playing cards. unfortunately, we were both struck down at an early stage by quite severe symptoms of altitudinus polymegafartinus, a rare condition in which the decreased atmospheric air pressure causes a compensatory and exponential increase in intestinal gas volume. this led to a disturbingly frequent number of harrowing olfactory near death experiences.

day five we ascended to kibo hut at 4700m - the 'base camp' for kilimanjaro. the plan was to get there early, eat early and sleep immediately so as to wake up fresh at 11:30pm for a midnight start to the summit. the getting there and eating part was fine, but our tent was generously placed right next to the only drop toilet in the whole camp, and for some reason sleep was not forthcoming. we talked to half a dozen people at the camp who had attempted the climb. only one had made it to the top! 2 hours before getting up, we finally slept.

day five fact. acute mountain sickness can strike above 2700m, but is especially prevalent above 3500m. at almost 6km above sea level, kili is a big-time danger zone. mild symptoms include nausea and vomiting, headaches, insomnia and muscle pain. more severe presentations include pulmonary oedema (in which you feel breathless at rest, your lungs fill with fluid and blood which you then cough up and die) and cerebral oedema (in which your brain swells, you become odd or psychotic, lose balance, go into a coma and die).

*phuong would like mention at this point that his job of monitoring my mental state for signs of cerebral oedema were made virtually impossible because 'it was unclear if signs of brain damage were new or had in fact existed since birth', and i would like to mention that my job of checking for signs of pulmonary oedema in phuong were equally hard because if you're carrying around all that extra weight, why wouldn't you be breathless?

day five quote of the week - at one point phuong asked our favourite porter sistus whether we could have some more water. he took our bottles and was going to get some when phuong called out 'but sistus, no hurry!'. sistus paused, turned around, and with a smirk on his face said "...no hurry in africa'. we loved it.


day six - the day of the ascent.

after 2 hours of fitful sleep, we woke up breathless with excitement. we joined our guide and an assistant guide for the long trek to the top. officially, it's a 6 hour trek to gillman's point - the part of the crater directly above kibo hut camp, where one might see the sun rise just after 6am, and then a further 2 hours around the crater rim to uhuru (freedom) peak - the highest point in africa.

not everyone reaches uhuru peak, and only a fraction of those who do reach it by sunrise. but i am proud to say that among those who did reach it by sunrise were two proud and excited australian doctors, crying and hugging and celebrating in the morning sunlight on africa's highest piece of land! special mention must be made of phuong, who had no previous climbing experience, battled with fatness the whole way up the mountain, but just kept going and going and going, and showed more determination than any other person in the whole world! (gush!)

imagine this – above you, an atmosphereless sky burns with the visible light of every single star in the hemiuniverse. you can’t feel your feet, your hands, your face, as the cold is so intense, and is whipped by winds so strong that it threatens to freeze your very core. but then: the african sun bleeds into the sky, and your surroundings take shape: an enormous blue glacier clinging to the mountain on one side, the massive snow-filled crater of the dormant volcano on the other, and looking down from the single highest point in the whole continent, the vast green african plains stretching to the horizon in all directions. that our hearts and minds did not explode with emotion!

the way back along the crater rim was a paradise, but the descent was a nightmare – the slope down was so steep, and consisted almost entirely of slate-grey volcanic dirt, that we slid, ran and telemarked our way down in a hideous simulacrum of agony. when we reached our tent, the hike wasn’t over – we had to pack our things and walk a further 6 hours to a lower camp.

we were tired when we finally reached that night’s base, but after climbing through the night to almost 6000m and back down for (15 hours’ walk on only 2 hours sleep), we were remarkably full of energy. in fact we were firing with both engines.

day six fact – we actually reached the peak just after 5am – and were the first people on the mountain to do so! our guide tried to force us back down the mountain, but we didn’t come all the way from australia, risk freezing to death (with wind chill it would have been at least –20 degrees celcius on the top), and actually reach the top only to watch the sun rise at some irrelevant place on the way back down. our collective foot came well and truly down.

day seven – the last day we made the quick walk to the end, celebrated with a few beers with our team, and made our way back home. we only had one evening before we started safari, so we spent hours scrubbing all the clothes we owned (before walking around the corner and discovering the washing machine), and relishing our only shower in 2 weeks. it was time for the next adventure: safari.

pic 1 - the terrible two: P+O on the climb

pic 2 - setting up camp on day 1

pic 3 - breakfast in the shadow of kili

pic 4 - ready to set off day two

pic 5 - dawn musings on the slopes of kilimanjaro

pic 6 - the way up

pic 7 - food glorious food!

pic 8 - doxy sandwich

pic 9 - moonscape in the alpine desert below the peak

pic 10 - view towards mawenza peak (kili's second peak) from the base of the crater

pic 11 - P+O just before midnight on the day of the ascent - excited!

pic 12 - P+O, merdadi and lyimo at uhuru peak

pic 13 +14 - views from uhuru at sunrise

pic 15 + 17 - the glaciers

pic 16 - the crater rim

pic 18 - the way down

pic 19 - group shot of our climbing team

pic 20 - this is it: the moment of glory - 5:12am on 23rd january 2007 - phuong and ondrej arrive first at the highest point in africa - uhuru peak

Mother Africa (greetings from paradise)

that's right! we've landed in paradise!

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as phuong and i sat on some storage boxes on the bow of a ferry travelling at high speed over the calm east african sea coast from dar es salaam to zanzibar town, tropical islands with white sandy beaches and palm trees passing by, phuong said "since getting off the plane i've felt like we've been swimming through a warm, viscous soup that nurtures and nourishes all life on mother africa". i felt that it was a rather romantic interpretation of experiencing 35 degree heat and 150% humidity on a background of 48 hour sleep deprivation and doxycycline induced sun-stroke, but i didn't want to spoil the moment. in any case, we realised that we had landed in paradise.

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there was only a minor hiccup in our flight - fog was so dense in

nairobi that our plane was diverted to mombasa temporarily. but the thick fog had a thick silver lining, as we got to fly straight over mt kilimanjaro and see the snow-covered crater in the morning sunlight. our hearts raced and cameras snappety-snapped.

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6 hours later, exhausted, we emerged from dar es salaam airport like two fat rich lambs who had stumbled into the wrong part of wolf-town slumsville. we practically bleated

'eat me!', and a few merciful local cons came and gave us the screwing we deserved.

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zanzibar is a mix of the african, asian and arabic - an important trading post for the portuguese and british, and later an omani sultanate. we spent our first day stumbling through the labyrinthine stone town, the heart of old zanzibar: a cobbled maze of streets that intersect at bizarre angles and spin one's sense of direction off to a better place (we had

to pay someone to find our way back to our guest house at one stage). i am an unashamed fan of streets and lanes, and was blissed out.

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at night, the seafront is crowded with seafood vendors who skewer fresh fish, lobster, shark, octopus and anything else you might fail to recognise and bbq it right in front of your eyes, to be devoured with a cold drink sitting on the beachfront in the 30 degree night. phuong gave the meal 6 stars out of 5, claiming that it had hit the sweet spot on almost every level. i gave it 2 stars and felt nauseated.

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despite using sleeping nets, at night we have been ravaged by malaria-bearing mosquitoes, and phuong in particular looks a mess. i have been panicking, with every bead of sweat or wrong thought providing ample evidence of the first stages of disease, but phuong doesn't seem to care, and describes his attitude regarding our inevitable journey towards cerebral malaria and death as 'a dutiful acceptance'.

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yesterday morning we clamboured into the back of an old truck for a two-hour ride to a beach paradise on the east coast of zanzibar island. the water is 30 degrees (can you believe it!?), and it feels like you're swimming through a warm broth. we discovered that there's nothing to do in paradise but get a full body massage and seek alternate forms of analgesia.

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we missed a truck back to stone town and decided to snooze for a few hours in a nice field full of grass and funny stones. we got a few dagger stares. only later did we realise that we were lolling about in the town's graveyard.

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we had an interesting tour of some spice plantations, but zanzibar (however lovely) was never going to be more than a filler - a prelude to a hike up the awesome mt kilimanjaro. and tomorrow we climb! so far we've heard of people going blind, developing hypothermia, becoming psychotic with mountain sickness-induced swelling of the brain, and even one group whose guide had the cheek to die half way up the mountain (said group then had to carry the corpse back down), but we feel equal to such adventure.

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good luck to us on our hike! (woohoo!) hakuna matata :)

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pic 1 - P+O in a lush field

pic 2 - P in paradise
pic 3 - kili from the window of our plane! (heart racing!)
pics 4, 5 + 6 - people around zanzibar
pic 7 - boats floating on a 30 degree soup
pic 8 - chowing down during a spice tour

Brisbane - part two

my last night in australia is here! i'm catatonically exhausted: 4 hours sleep and a hangover were my fuel for a day of furniture removal, last minute shopping, starting and finishing packing, and scrubbing my studio to within an inch of my life for a bond that i won't get back. pathetic. a quick summary is all that i'll be able to manage:

1) brisbane

gorgeous, wonderful city. so much so that i'm tempted to come and live here again. we'll see. life's so short. blah blah blah.

2) iva

my sister was always going to be the best thing about brisbane for me, and was of course the reason i came up here. what i didn't expect was to be so suprised, awed, enamoured and inspired by that person.

3) work

i have been consistently athiest for almost my entire life, but my cardiology rotation at the prince charles hospital shook that faith. i now wonder: is there a god? because without a god, how could there be a soul? and if it wasn't my soul, then what exactly was destroyed during that rotation?

4) now

in 16 hours i'll be sitting on a plane that will take me to meet phuong in bangkok, and then we'll be taking a garbage bin with wings to east africa. can't wait!

stay tuned at this address for heaps of updates. please leave lots of comments and questions!

tropicana

i'm back from blackwater! my 2 months of country work have finally wrapped themselves up - self-bound and gagged. blackwater was different to all the other country places i had been. surrounded by five massive coal mines, coal mine employees (or their families) accounted for almost 80% of patients seen. that meant a much younger and juicier demographic, and a switch from chronic illnesses to minor trauma and injury. i was MASSIVELY less busy than i had been in the previous month (but was still contractually obliged to be within 10 minutes of the hospital at all times), so whereas my last rotations were a bit like being tied to a stake in the ground and forced to run around and around and around, blackwater was only like being tied to a stake in the ground and given the occasional shove (ie lots of time to ponder my incarceration). more than anything, the nurses in blackwater were just wonderful - fresh and open and uber-cynical and hilarious (and might be reading this so i can't exactly give a damning inditement as threatened)...and that really made a difference :)

brisbane is predictably wonderful. hot and beautiful. i felt like i was on a different planet in the queen street mall crush, and got to visit the just-opened gallery of modern art - highly recommended. largest collection of modern art in australia in a funky new building on the banks of the glorious brisbane river. yarra what? makes melbourne look like it's built on the banks of an old wet fart. (don't listen to these anguished put-downs of a jilted ex-lover...i'm still in love with you melbs)

my hip is acting up - better in some ways, worse in others. i'm not sure if i'm moving forwards or backwards (ok, back to the hip...) phuong - hallowed future travel partner and brother in arms - was typically no-nonsense when he told me (in one of his sympathetic moods) that it was basically 'all in my mind' and that i had to 'shutup and get over it'. so...i've been seeking alternate therapies. i visited an acupuncturist last thursday. the session was good, though he referred to beautiful women and repetitive ejaculation too much for my liking. i didn't want to tell him that i was homosensational in case he saw that as a condition needing attention, and surreptitiously treated me for it: sticking a pin in some hard-to-reach spot and frying my brain so that i would wake up the following day craving something unsavoury. to be perfectly honest i felt a bit bored during the session and wanted to leave. i kept thinking of a cartoon i once saw in which a character screams "i want to relax better and faster! i want to be at the cutting edge of relaxation!"

the following morning i literally leapt out of bed and ran down to the local fishmongers to buy some fresh catch. just kidding.

given that my life is for rent, to balance things out i've now put up my house for sale. well...not the studio itself, but the contents thereof. i've stuck a sign up on the community message board, and have a website with photos. you can check out the site by clicking here, or following the link to crazy bargains on the right :) tell your friends who live in brisbane! and please tell me if there's anything i can do to the site to make the things more sale-able. would you pay that much? (etc)

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i start cardiology at the prince charles hospital on monday. i'm working on christmas and new years day for the extra cash - the bank account has less than a month to finish feeding before the numbers start sky-diving towards zero again during the 2007 adventures. apparently no-one else wanted to work those days so i got the shifts easily (which is one of the advantages of being an unsentimental money-hungry mole with no friends).

speaking of adventure - preparations are almost complete for africa and i leave in just over 4 weeks! very exciting. i'm starting on a new exercise programme to get myself fit again, but the realisation of how much reserve i've lost hit home today when i went on a bikeride with my pseudo brother-in-law: whilst he pedalled gracefully around the river and hills of brisbane, i sat hunched over my handlebars in a contorted display of human agony, and can only describe the latter half of the ride as a protracted near-death experience. lots of work to do before the 5895 metres of kilimanjaro's uhuru peak becomes a sure thing.

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check back in 4 weeks for brisbane part two!

soldier on

the 5 week tour of the north burnett region in queensland is over!

how did it end? how did it end? a string of back-to-back 16 hour shifts with middle of the night call-outs and no spare time to even scratch my arse - that's how it ended. that and a lot of hugging and kissing with staff and patients (would you believe)

how did you feel? how did you feel? i felt fucking tired - exhilarated yes, but really fucking tired, and unsafe towards the end of days when i realised my brain had slowed down to the point where i was no longer able to recall simple medical terms. the constant low-grade anxiety of being on-call 24-7 is something i could have had a break from for at least one night to be honest. when i finally got back to melbourne at the weekend, i jumped on the scales at my parents' house and found that i had lost over 10 years.

was it worth it? was it worth it? damn straight it was worth it - i'm loving all the experience that i've gained, though i've come to realise i am far too underskilled to be working in those sorts of positions and it's highlighted to me which skills i need to gain in order to feel right.

what happened then? what happened then? well i missed my fucking flight out of the middle of no-where back to brisbane (didn't i?) and hence missed my connecting flight back to melbourne. when i turned up at the airport (which was actually just an airstrip in the middle of a field) with my just-been-released-from-prison smile on my face, and saw the plane scooting off down the runway without my fat arse inside it, i considering having a nervous breakdown. after a few short moments however, the realisation that i was about to have a grand adventure kicked in, and i felt greedy for it.

i ended up squeezing into a freight van with a delightful fat creature that drove at 140kph along a pot-holed country road with a fake 8 dollar flashing alarm light on his roof for kicks and ranting about how many seconds he could save by overtaking the next guy. when he got thirsty and stopped for coke, i ran into a pub and bought up some whiskey in order to be able to open my eyes without clenching my teeth and actually enjoying the conversation. later in the night, after being dumped on the side of the road in rockhampton, i was picked up by claudio - the lover that i had met on the internet two months previous and flew up to rocky to meet on a whim - and he took me in and fed and sheltered and pampered me until it was time to head off to brisbane the next day on an early flight. there was something about the whole affair that was marvelously coincidental and satisfying on a number of levels.

what happened to the bbq? what the hell happened? thank you to everyone who turned up! it was lovely :) should have known not to trust melbourne weather, and i'm sorry for the confusion relating to change of location. it made me feel warm and fuzzy to see all your smiling faces :)

what are these photos? what are all these photos? another great reason to be in melbourne was my cousin's wedding on sunday, which was the first time the extended family (all 9 people) had been in the same room in well over 10 years. naturally, a good time (and feed) was had by all ;)

what happens now? what happens now? well i'm back to brisbane for one night only, and then jetting off to blackwater, west of rockhampton, for the next two weeks. to be honest i'm not 100% looking forward to it, as i haven't been able to catch up on sleep these last few days, and i'm still wary of not knowing enough to be out there doing this sort of stuff. having said that, i'm keen for more learning opportunities, so if i have to be out there, bring it on.

pic 1 - vov, me, mum and dad
pic 2 - mum and i
pic 3 - dad, nick (vov's partner), me and (uncle) paul
pic 4 - m + d
pic 5 - me and vov
pic 6 - mutton dressed as lamb

'The first virtue in a soldier is endurance of fatigue; courage is only the second virtue' Napoleon Bonaparte

english, my love.

Biggenden, Gayndah, Mundubbera, Eidsvold, Monto. Read them – like a list of dead and dying Queensland country towns clinging to life at the edge of an enlarging man-made desert, in marginal farmland whose rape should have been abandoned whilst it was still a twinkle in a colonist’s eye, and whose under-resourced medical minefield has been exploding with education and confidence building opportunities with each asymmetric footfall.

It’s the worst drought in a century, but during my rounds we’ve had the biggest downpour in over a year. I would join in the celebrations were it not for the increased risk of motor vehicle accidents, inability for rescue aircraft to land, and the fact that I’m the only doctor in town. But that’s exactly what I’ve come out here for, so when they snap their arms, shove sticks into their eyes, stroke out, arrest or just die for no other reason than the lack of other diversions, it’s been your friendly local doctor and correspondent on the other end of the defib paddles, the internet searches, or the harassed telephone calls to evacuation services.

At the end of each week there is a 60 minute period that I have come to call ‘the golden hour’. It’s the one-hour drive between towns. In that one hour – unlike the other 167 hours in that week – I am completely uncontactable, completely responsibility-free and completely weightless. I could stand on a set of electric scales and they wouldn’t even activate. I could throw myself from the roof of the hospital and float down so gently that I would be sleeping like a baby that has overdosed on phenergan by the time I touched the ground. Then I arrive in town ‘X’ and it’s time to get back into it again, and my brain reassumes its usual Orwellian double-think of hoping for the quiet best on the surface, but further down craving the absolute worst – the bus crash, the intra-cranial bleed, the massive MI. For though I don’t want these things to happen to anyone – no no – I realise that misfortune is one of the staples of any human life, and I want the privilege of learning from it. I want practical skills and knowledge born of experience. I want to look at myself as I stand alone and think without reservation: ‘you are a competent doctor’.

Where I am now is cattle-country. When asking patients whether they have any meat-free days a week I have on more than one occasion been met with the response ‘yes of course – on such-and-such a day I only eat chicken’, and my requests for a vegetarian diet from the hospital kitchen are not so much met with suspicion as they are with fear. It’s like being back in China, though in China I at least sometimes felt like I was speaking the same language as the locals ;) People are as friendly and open as the stories and stereotypes suggest, and though I love working and being here, I love working and being here on a temporary basis. Don't think i could do the long haul. anywhere.

And so I’ll be popping back to Melbourne in a couple of weeks, and I can’t wait. I hope to see all of yous (sic) at the BBQ in Albert Park on Saturday 25th November. My phone has no reception until I fly out on the night before, so please email me if you have any queries and have been battling unsuccessfully with my answering machine over the last 3 weeks. Otherwise, gather your vegetable paddies and sausages and breads and drinks and games and friends, and I’ll see you then!

pic one - the big mandarin in Mundubbera

pics two to five - scenes of north burnett

'a good man is hard to find; a hard man is good to find'. Mae West