there is a chinese phrase to express a particularly disorienting state of happiness:
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' i was so happy i didn't know which way was north'
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i am in beijing, and let me take this opportunity to wish you all a happy international women's day! hooray! i am proud of all the women in my life, and it is my pleasure and honour to know you - it really is. after the horrors of female absence in egypt, it's wonderful to be back in a country where women hold up half the sky.
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in response to your enquiries - no my blog hasn't been singled out! all blogs are banned in china, because someone might express an opinion in one, and independent thought is strictly forbidden. you can write and post and whatever (like what i'm doing now) but you just can't read them.
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so: i'm living at a youth hostel 4 floors below ground level just off wangfujing, the famous shopping district in central beijing. the showers are communal, so i spend a few minutes every morning in a dark steamy room with other young men getting wet while we stare at each other's dicks (sound familiar?). the toilets go hard at work on my gag reflex, but it's the cheapest place in town, and is adequate for my needs.
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i enrolled myself in a 2 week one-on-one chinese course at a private language school in the worker's cultural palace - a building between the gate of heavenly peace (the one with a picture of mao's big fat head on it) and the forbidden city. the price reflects the location, but i'm worth it, and as mum always says: 'penize budou, and mi nebudem' ('money will be, and we will not be' - a great philosophical justification for spending heinous amounts of money on oneself).
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on monday night (after a date with a cute chinese/english lawyer), a combination of jet-lag, an uncomfortable bed, bounce-back from a stilnox i'd taken the night before and the man in the next room snoring at 500dB conspired to keep me awake until 3am. i kept paddling the wall with a rubber slipper and screaming 'shut the fuck up!' in as many languages as i could think of, but after 5 minutes of silence the pneumatic drill would start again. in the morning, bleary-eyed, i asked to change rooms. i told them who was causing the noise, and was informed that the culprit had checked out that day.
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only last night did the noise start again, and i found that it was actually the guy across the hall. another couple from a nearby room and i started banging on the walls and had the guy moved to another room this morning. again i didn't sleep until 3am, and was left pondering who the poor bastard was that i had been wrongfully keeping awake the night before...
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patience is not one of ondrej's virtues. i have unrealistic expectations of my ability to learn, and despite being exhausted, i'm frustrated with my lack of progress in class. it turns out that after two days of study, i am unable to translate ancient chinese manuscripts into modern street mandarin whilst spinning on my left eyebrow during a spontaneous public performance of chinese acrobatics. with my balls on fire. it's not at all how i imagined it would be. oh well. patience, bondy!
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i've been hitting the streets in a big way which is great. a couple of days ago, after eating steamed dumplings (50c a massive bowl!) in a shack made of 5 tin sheets propped against each other in a side alley, i had my first experience of a true chinese public toilet. i walked in and there were 4 holes in the ground, 3 of which were covered by men squatting and shitting openly, staring at each other's dicks and arses with expressionless faces. my first instinct was to take out my camera, my second to run, my third and final to hold my breath and take a piss into the abyss (with everyone staring at my dick).
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last night i grabbed my travel clippers, went to the communal washroom, and gave myself the hottest haircut this side of the great wall. it looked so good that i almost had to touch myself right there and then, 4 floors below ground level. i had a quick shower, then headed out for a bite.
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on the street, i met a girl called 'spring'. we got chatting, and ended up in a westerner-catering chinese tea-house, where we drank expensive west lake dragon tea in a special little room with sliding wooden doors and lots of chinese scroll art for authenticity. it was like being on the set of 'farewell my concubine', and it actually took me a few moments to decide whether or not it was a fuckery. it wasn't. spring and i chatted for hours, half english and half chinese (it was excellent practice for both of us), interrupted at regular intervals by the female staff who kept bursting in on a variety of pretexts to tell me how big and beautiful my nose was, and how handsome i was. after my haircut, i bloody well knew it. spring grinned victoriously every time this happened.
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ok, fine. modesty is not one of ondrej's virtues either, but we all already knew that, didn't we?
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hours later, we left the teahouse and i told spring that i was gay. she burst into tears right there on the street. i watched the 6 stages of grief flash through her in a matter of minutes - denial, anger, bargaining etc. the poor thing was so unhappy she didn't know which was was north!
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afterwards, i popped into a small eatery and ordered a mild chicken dish. after the first chop-stick full, i thought my head had exploded, and had to carefully check my skull to make sure there wasn't an exit wound. the exit wound occurred this morning when i had to dash out of class mid-lesson. food here is cheap cheap cheap and yum yum yum!
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on friday a group of us are going out to beijing's 'only' gay club. it's called 'destination' and is apparently a real meat market - i can't wait :) every other night this week i've got a hot date lined up with a different hot boy. why not? i'm in beijing for god's sake! (and i'm so happy that i couldn't for the life of me tell you which way was north) :)
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