kde domov muj?

the last thing i expected to see when i visited the benxi water caves (a 3km underground navigable river - the longest of such open to visiters in the world), was a drag queen. in a bikini. with a large python around her neck. performing a show in a crocodile pit. with 3 live crocodiles. surrounded by chinese families. clapping. politely. well...clapping politely until she ran through the crowd with that big snake and a large contingent of audience members stampeded (in a controlled way) out through the nearest exit.

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unexpected? yes. suprising? after 4 months in china? not at all. suprise? i'm no longer familiar with that term.

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so from baihe to shenyang, i made an overnight trip - the chinese way: i got a hard seat in a crowded train, entered into a loud discussion with everyone in my carriage and half the people in the next, got involuntarily plied with alcohol, cigarettes and processed meat while making pledges of lifelong friendship and mutually beneficial business agreements with people i couldn't even see, and spent the next two hours clinging to the window for dear life while the train went into a freefall spin around me and my stomach did backflips, before passing out with my face on an opened packet of chilli sausages.

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from shenyang i popped over to the aforementioned water caves. though i don't really enjoy caves secondary to a growing claustrodiscomfort (more an uneasiness and boredom than a full blown phobia), a 45 minute boat ride on an underground river with your very own chinese fan-club is simply magnificent. turns out there are some things money can buy.

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but i won't harp on about all of that. i'm back in beijing and my days in china are up: i'm writing this entry to conclude.

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a couple of years ago, on a different trip, i sent a final group email entitled 'kde domov muj?' (where is my home?). in it, i concluded that my home and heart belonged in melbourne.

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though a big piece of my heart still resides there, mainly because many of you live there (but particularly and especially because mum and dad live there), i've come up against a bit of a hurdle - a wall: home. i can't reconcile myself to the term.

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china has been wonderful (much more than that, as you may have gathered from all the ranting in previous blog entries). but it's not just china - it's this whole damn world that's turning me on. and the being 'me' part of it - the living of my life - is something i find wonderfully intense. i didn't know what to call it - happiness? sadness? love? but then a friend here in beijing pointed out that another czech had already described it perfectly - it's the unbearable lightness of being. spot on milan - way to go bro.

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maybe ondrej's changed and maybe he hasn't. probably hasn't actually. but my trip's resolved something for me - i feel deep within myself that my heart, home and me belong out here - out there. not in any one particular place - but everywhere.

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i'm looking forward to seeing those of you who are in melbourne. as long as i don't have any problems with australian customs (like the embarrassing incident of the coral i stole from venezuela in 2001), i've got a bottomless bag of hugs and kisses that i'm bringing back with me for individual, group and wholesale distribution.

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whoops! five and a half months has passed a bit quick hasn't it? yes it has. and now it's finally time to say: good bye china...hello ondrej!