no hurry in africa

Did you hear the one about the narcissist with the sore hip and the fat asthmatic who tried to climb mt kilimanjaro? if not, read on, but be warned: liki kili itself, this entry will be huge.

at 5896 metres, mt kilimanjaro is the highest mountain in africa, the highest free-standing mountain on earth, one of the largest volcanoes in the world, and P+O's next super-adventure :)

the interim period between zanzibar (which is derived from the arabic meaning 'land of the blacks' would you believe) was a circus: a nauseating flight in which the plane seemed to be gradually spinning counter-clockwise at all times, an endless bus-ride from no-where to no-where that provided the definition of 'are we there yet', a pre-booked hostel room that was given away to someone else, and an emergency stay in the wrong part of town where one of the drunken and drug-fucked staff snuck up from behind and gave my tits a damn good squeeze.

day one - we were picked up from the crack den by the tour company and taken to their office, where we handed over vast sums of american dollars and hired some things we didn't have - most importantly waterproof, down-feather jackets for the sub-zero nights and summit climb.

after registering at the national parks office, we drove around to the north east side of the mountain to begin our trek from a town called rongai. this route is less popular and slightly more difficult, but covers more of the mountain. we decided to climb over 7 days (rather than 6 or even 5) to maximise our chances of making it to the top without getting acute mountain sickness, and just to take it easy and have a great experience. by the time everything was organised and we had arrived in rongai, it was almost 4pm. it started pouring with rain about 10 minutes before we began our hike.

phuong was the first to discover that our water-proof, feather jackets not only didn't contain a single feather, but actually absorbed every fat, african rain drop that hit its surface. 20 minutes later he stood in his swollen red coat with water pouring out of the sleeves looking like something…untoward. not to mention very unimpressed.

that night, after wringing out out socks and undies, we crawled into wet sleeping bags for a well-deserved first night's sleep.

day one fact - our climbing party consisted of 11 people - P+O, our guide merdardi, and eight porters. it seems like an excessive number of people, but it turns out that it's absolutely standard.

day two - our things dried completely (even shoes!) as we lay them out in the african sun. we ascended to 2nd cave @ 3200m. it rained all afternoon.

day two fact - we ate like kings! no dried apricots or 2-minute noodles on this trip. we had hot porridge, sausage and scrambled eggs from breakfast, fish and chip lunches and dinners of spaghetti bolognese and beef stew, all the way up and down. and all cooked fresh - no wonder we needed 8 porters.

day three - we ascended to 3rd cave @ 3800 metres and went on an acclimatisation hike to 4750m. it started raining just after we got back. every day took us closer to the snow-capped crater of mt kilimanjaro, which we could always see ahead of us, and away from the vast, lush east african plains below.

day three fact - december 2006 had the first major snowfall on kili in 5 years. before that, there was no snow except inside the crater. we were very lucky!

day four was a foggy acclimatisation day in which we got up early to watch sunrise from a nearby rocky outcropping. it was majestic. upon our return an hour or two later, we found that a strange silence had descended over the camp. people refused to make eye contact and our guide was in tears, sitting on a bench staring into the middle distance. we were taken aside and informed that we had been naughty little boys and shouldn't have run away all by ourselves. there were hush tones, sideways glances and discussion about being eaten by lions, falling down cliffs and calling in a search party. everyone was disappointed. phuong felt really bad and i felt bored and hungry. we went on a quick acclimatisation hike before it rained in the afternoon.

day four fact one - our guide was a slimey little bastard who provided the absolute minimum of services, didn't answer any of our questions and was unavailable most evenings because he was passed out in his tent either stoned or drunk (unconfirmed, but high index of suspicion).

day four fact two - phuong and i spent most rainy evenings in the tent chatting and playing cards. unfortunately, we were both struck down at an early stage by quite severe symptoms of altitudinus polymegafartinus, a rare condition in which the decreased atmospheric air pressure causes a compensatory and exponential increase in intestinal gas volume. this led to a disturbingly frequent number of harrowing olfactory near death experiences.

day five we ascended to kibo hut at 4700m - the 'base camp' for kilimanjaro. the plan was to get there early, eat early and sleep immediately so as to wake up fresh at 11:30pm for a midnight start to the summit. the getting there and eating part was fine, but our tent was generously placed right next to the only drop toilet in the whole camp, and for some reason sleep was not forthcoming. we talked to half a dozen people at the camp who had attempted the climb. only one had made it to the top! 2 hours before getting up, we finally slept.

day five fact. acute mountain sickness can strike above 2700m, but is especially prevalent above 3500m. at almost 6km above sea level, kili is a big-time danger zone. mild symptoms include nausea and vomiting, headaches, insomnia and muscle pain. more severe presentations include pulmonary oedema (in which you feel breathless at rest, your lungs fill with fluid and blood which you then cough up and die) and cerebral oedema (in which your brain swells, you become odd or psychotic, lose balance, go into a coma and die).

*phuong would like mention at this point that his job of monitoring my mental state for signs of cerebral oedema were made virtually impossible because 'it was unclear if signs of brain damage were new or had in fact existed since birth', and i would like to mention that my job of checking for signs of pulmonary oedema in phuong were equally hard because if you're carrying around all that extra weight, why wouldn't you be breathless?

day five quote of the week - at one point phuong asked our favourite porter sistus whether we could have some more water. he took our bottles and was going to get some when phuong called out 'but sistus, no hurry!'. sistus paused, turned around, and with a smirk on his face said "...no hurry in africa'. we loved it.


day six - the day of the ascent.

after 2 hours of fitful sleep, we woke up breathless with excitement. we joined our guide and an assistant guide for the long trek to the top. officially, it's a 6 hour trek to gillman's point - the part of the crater directly above kibo hut camp, where one might see the sun rise just after 6am, and then a further 2 hours around the crater rim to uhuru (freedom) peak - the highest point in africa.

not everyone reaches uhuru peak, and only a fraction of those who do reach it by sunrise. but i am proud to say that among those who did reach it by sunrise were two proud and excited australian doctors, crying and hugging and celebrating in the morning sunlight on africa's highest piece of land! special mention must be made of phuong, who had no previous climbing experience, battled with fatness the whole way up the mountain, but just kept going and going and going, and showed more determination than any other person in the whole world! (gush!)

imagine this – above you, an atmosphereless sky burns with the visible light of every single star in the hemiuniverse. you can’t feel your feet, your hands, your face, as the cold is so intense, and is whipped by winds so strong that it threatens to freeze your very core. but then: the african sun bleeds into the sky, and your surroundings take shape: an enormous blue glacier clinging to the mountain on one side, the massive snow-filled crater of the dormant volcano on the other, and looking down from the single highest point in the whole continent, the vast green african plains stretching to the horizon in all directions. that our hearts and minds did not explode with emotion!

the way back along the crater rim was a paradise, but the descent was a nightmare – the slope down was so steep, and consisted almost entirely of slate-grey volcanic dirt, that we slid, ran and telemarked our way down in a hideous simulacrum of agony. when we reached our tent, the hike wasn’t over – we had to pack our things and walk a further 6 hours to a lower camp.

we were tired when we finally reached that night’s base, but after climbing through the night to almost 6000m and back down for (15 hours’ walk on only 2 hours sleep), we were remarkably full of energy. in fact we were firing with both engines.

day six fact – we actually reached the peak just after 5am – and were the first people on the mountain to do so! our guide tried to force us back down the mountain, but we didn’t come all the way from australia, risk freezing to death (with wind chill it would have been at least –20 degrees celcius on the top), and actually reach the top only to watch the sun rise at some irrelevant place on the way back down. our collective foot came well and truly down.

day seven – the last day we made the quick walk to the end, celebrated with a few beers with our team, and made our way back home. we only had one evening before we started safari, so we spent hours scrubbing all the clothes we owned (before walking around the corner and discovering the washing machine), and relishing our only shower in 2 weeks. it was time for the next adventure: safari.

pic 1 - the terrible two: P+O on the climb

pic 2 - setting up camp on day 1

pic 3 - breakfast in the shadow of kili

pic 4 - ready to set off day two

pic 5 - dawn musings on the slopes of kilimanjaro

pic 6 - the way up

pic 7 - food glorious food!

pic 8 - doxy sandwich

pic 9 - moonscape in the alpine desert below the peak

pic 10 - view towards mawenza peak (kili's second peak) from the base of the crater

pic 11 - P+O just before midnight on the day of the ascent - excited!

pic 12 - P+O, merdadi and lyimo at uhuru peak

pic 13 +14 - views from uhuru at sunrise

pic 15 + 17 - the glaciers

pic 16 - the crater rim

pic 18 - the way down

pic 19 - group shot of our climbing team

pic 20 - this is it: the moment of glory - 5:12am on 23rd january 2007 - phuong and ondrej arrive first at the highest point in africa - uhuru peak