.on my last day in darwin, a friend of mine gave me a passage to read, in which a chinese proverb was quoted: keep a green tree in your heart, and maybe one day a singing bird will come.
i have travelled around for a couple of years now, and it has been terribly, terribly interesting. despite all of the change and the challenges, i find that there is always something within me that remains solid. that solidity is my sense of self, my green tree. with each new experience, my green tree grows and grows, and there are many singing birds within. i have found that nothing can diminish this green tree - only enhance it - and that excites me. there is nothing so exciting as being alive, and the process of becoming who we are at every moment of every day.
the devil's marbles. a long time ago the devil came to this sacred place and, like me, was attacked by hordes of flies that turned the sky black and didn't respond to swatting. the poor guy lost his fucking marbles.i very much enjoy being alone - in fact i crave it. the solo journey is a perfect opportunity to reflect on the events and circumstances of your life, and assess their significance. to understand yourself in the context of your own universe. during my drive from darwin to melbourne, i climbed to the very top of my green tree, sat on one of the strongest branches, and gazed down at everything that i had been and everything that i was, and everything that i am in the process of becoming. it is only through reflection that i can glimpse my answer to what i believe is the central question of our existence: what do we actually want? once we have stripped away any preconceptions and the shackles of other people's expectations, what is left that we alone truly desire?
.my goal in life is to live according to my deepest desires and passions. to live according to the expectations of myself alone. to live because what i am doing feels good and right and true to me - to live selfishly.
sweating so much there was a crust of salt either side of the seatbeltto live a life according to the real or perceived desires of a book, a religion, an authority or another person is to not live at all. it is a wasted opportunity to make something of this one chance we have. i believe that human nature is kind, and generous, and understanding and very, very curious. we should not be afraid of living selfishly. to selfishly access our natures and live by the passions and desires that fuel them is not only glorious, but the only true way to perform acts of goodness, and greatness, and the only true way to live at all.
.to perceive that which we desire of ourselves and to follow it with passion. this is what i want to achieve with my life, in every moment that i am living it. to look back at the end of my life, whenever that may be, and to see that i had attempted to live this way: this - and nothing else - would be my success.
i'm back in melbourne. peace.
after 4 days of arid central australian nothingness, the fertile, undulating hills of victoria were a balm to my sore eyes.do not walk behind me, for i may not lead. do not walk ahead of me, for i may not follow. do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and leave me alone. -Maharishi FFB
3 comments:
Ondro
it is so nice to have you back in Melbourne. I hope that to live according to the expectations of yourself alone and to live selfishly does not mean that the people around you are inhibited or hurt. Please explain
Love mum
mum what i mean is to live in a way that is true to yourself and for yourself, but not to the exclusion of others. in fact i think it is a nicer and more loving way to live.
As humans we are only a product of the experiences we have. Our sensory input combines with our thoughts and memories to form the substrate for our decision-making processes, and nothing else contributes. We can’t know anything except through ourselves, and shouldn’t pretend that we are even remotely motivated to do something in which we have no vested interest. Everything is selfish – it has to be.
For example, let’s say that I did something for you that made you happy. Now the so-called selfless answer is that I did it because I want you to be happy, because that is a good thing. But I think this reasoning misses the real point. I’m not doing it because it makes you feel good, I’m doing it because it makes me feel good. And the reason I would feel good is that I am so filled with love for you that your being happy generates an enormous happiness in myself, and that is what motivates me. The point is that we recognise how much love we have in ourselves for other people through this process. when I look into myself at the love I feel for the people around me, I find that this love is bursting at the seams. It is overflowing.
I think it’s important to go the extra step and recognise that the things we do for others are actually for ourselves, because then we can live more honestly. ‘I donated to charity and that felt good’ misses the point. I think we need to understand the selfish basis for all of our actions. ‘I donated to charity and other people thought I was a good person when I told them, propping up my poor sense of self esteem’ or ‘I donated to charity and felt good because my religion tells me that this is what a good person does, is a principle that I hold true, and so feel good for following it’ is a better answer.
At the end of the day, I want to live a life that is honest to myself and to other people, and this is the way I believe I can do it. And not only is it more honest, I think it is a happier, more generous, and more satisfying way to approach life.
Bondy,
This is a nice explanation. I am glad that I asked. Thanks mum
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