plan b

the eastern-most section of the great wall lies along the yalu river (which forms the chinese/north korean border), originally built to keep the heathens in pyongyang and out of beijing (so to speak). i spent a morning last week climbing this steep section of wall and blissing out in the sunshine before part of the mountain i was standing on was unexpectedly dynamited and i had to throw myself under cover as i shat my pants. that's china for you.

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there's actually a massive slab of land on the chinese side of the river that mao gifted to the north koreans as a show of friendship, so there's a long section of border where north korean land and chinese land is only seperated by a 2 metre wide creek. it's dotted with army posts. from a recently built (i mean restored) great wall watchtower on the top of a mountain, i looked through the grandmother of all binoculars at an airfield on the north korean side filled with modern bombing-and-killing-people type aircraft and other military bits and bobs. closer to home, at one of the army posts, i spied smoke coming out of individual nostrils of a smiling north korean soldier. it seemed extraordinary. i could have descended the mountain and initiated creek-side peace talks, but i don't think i would have been able to get back up the mountain again without my leg auto-amputating, and probably would have ended up with a bullet in my arse for my troubles.

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in dandong there's a bridge that only stretches halfway across the river. the americans accidentally blew up the other half at the same time that they accidentally blew up dandong's airstrip in the 50s. you can walk around on the remaining bridge on the chinese side. on the north korean side, in the direct line of sight, is a little 10 metre ferris wheel - the sort you see at country school fetes where older kids rock up stoned and start punching each other while their parents lie paralytic in the grass. the ferris wheel is an obvious attempt to show that north korea is wealthy enough to afford leisure, but a quick glance at the chinese side of the border, where modern apartment towers line the shore as far as the eye can see (in both directions) exposes the sham fun fair for what it is, and the irony is very saddening, and very troubling.

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i moved on to baihe, near changbai shan, the largest nature reserve in china. miles and miles of virgin pine forest stretch all the way to the horizon, crowned by the beautiful heaven lake, sitting in a volcanic crater that straddles the chinese/north korean border. it's the origin of the songhua river (you know, the one they dumped all the benzene and other chemicals into last year and then lied to everyone about?)

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i spent a wonderful day soaking it all in before being abandoned about 20 km from baihe for reasons i'm still grappling with. 3 hours later i was on my rescue bus with a group of chinese university students who all lined up to have their photos taken with me. much to their delight, i wrapped my arms around every single one like a bitch on heat while they struggled with their digital cameras on the bumpy road. i hadn't realised how much i was craving physical contact, but one busload of gorgeous young men later, as i sat back grinning like the cat who had had too much cream, i thought: 'wow...i needed that' :)

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after my plan to visit north korea went pear-shaped last week, i turned to plan b: make a dash over the border in the middle of the night with my pen torch and a packet of tim-tams. if it had worked, i'm sure i could have made it all the way to pyongyang and re-established peace and security in north east asia for generations to come: round table 5-nation talks, naked mud wrestling adjudicated by dwarves from vanuatu, and smiling nigerians taking it three ways were not even the tip of my masterful, top-secret grand-plan iceberg guaranteed of success.

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anyway, the plan fell through, for the obvious reason: they don't sell tim-tams in china. in fact, the chocolate here is heinous, like eating brown ear-wax but worse. i met some children so thin you would presume they had died of starvation had you found them lying on the ground, and tried to gift them my chocolate stores. their eyes brightened as they asked 'is it chinese?' i said 'of course it is'. there was a pause and an un-focusing of eyes as they replied: 'we're trying to lose weight'. bless.

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the only other thing worth writing home about was an incident that occured this morning. i was prancing around my chinese-only guest house looking for a shower wearing only a little pair of porn-shorts that left less to the imagination than had i been naked. ladies appeared and swarmed, and a ruckus ensued. eventually, the substance abusing owner emerged, and with his eyes on the prize, said "put some clothes on", before offering me the services of a prostitute. i followed the command, but declined the invitation.

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yes i'll be in australia next week. on top of everything else, it means that i'll finally be able to read my blog comments, so please feel free to leave messages from now on! go on, you know you want to :)
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pic 1 - the great wall at dandong
pic 2 - propaganda dropped over the border by the chinese during the korean war (from the museum to commemorate the fight against US aggression and aid korea). in a country where all major tourist sites have chinglish signs like 'no sexy moves or plunging down the staircase', the mind boggles to see perfect english being used over 50 years ago.
pics 3 + 5 - heaven lake on the chinese/north korean border
pic 4 - hello ondrej (minus feet) at the 'underground forest'