as many of you know, it has not been smooth psychological sailing for me over the last few years. when i consider myself at the age of 29 with a weak leg that's been getting gradually weaker since before my 26th birthday, and a fucked back that won't let me sit for more than 10 minutes without making itself felt, i have experienced deep feelings of disappointment with my lot. the recent addition of a C-spine disc prolapse has had me wallowing in self-pity - the brunt being graciously borne by the love of my life.
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but i know that my lot is infinitely better than that of most people in the world, and i am always brought back to this by the memory of a girl i once saw as i was waiting at an overpriced physiotherapist for an ultimately useless session of pilates. this girl was twisted - her legs were different lengths, her spine was folded back on itself twice over, and every movement was clearly agony as she staggered from one side of the room to the next. and yet as she talked to her carer, she laughed, and it was the quality of this laugh that left me awe-struck. it was not the laugh of someone who was tolerating her pain, or laughing politely, or laughing despite herself. this girl was laughing with complete abandon. the girl with the twisted body - in pain, disabled, dependent - was giving herself up to the joy in her life.
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it's impossible to feel positive 24/7, but life is a joy regardless. i am inspired by the twisted girl, and my desire is to be able to live the joys of my life with the same abandon that she lives the joys of hers - whether i get better, stay the same, or get worse. anything less than this sort of life is a life half lived, and grounds for taking arms against a sea of troubles. peace!
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.but i know that my lot is infinitely better than that of most people in the world, and i am always brought back to this by the memory of a girl i once saw as i was waiting at an overpriced physiotherapist for an ultimately useless session of pilates. this girl was twisted - her legs were different lengths, her spine was folded back on itself twice over, and every movement was clearly agony as she staggered from one side of the room to the next. and yet as she talked to her carer, she laughed, and it was the quality of this laugh that left me awe-struck. it was not the laugh of someone who was tolerating her pain, or laughing politely, or laughing despite herself. this girl was laughing with complete abandon. the girl with the twisted body - in pain, disabled, dependent - was giving herself up to the joy in her life.
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.it's impossible to feel positive 24/7, but life is a joy regardless. i am inspired by the twisted girl, and my desire is to be able to live the joys of my life with the same abandon that she lives the joys of hers - whether i get better, stay the same, or get worse. anything less than this sort of life is a life half lived, and grounds for taking arms against a sea of troubles. peace!
1 comment:
Ondro,
I am looking forward to read more about Japan - toilet article is a very promising start. Thanks for the encouragement and a story about the girl with pain (it puts everything into perspective). My inspiration is (apart from you – let’s hope that your leg gains some strength and does not get worse) a little Sophie who was injured twice and still smiles. It is her beautiful smile which gives me the strength and a lot of energy to cope better with my pain and be positive. Keep writing. Love mum
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