Saturday 19 September 2009

i'd rather die than have a fat arse

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what better characterises japan than the toilet? clean, convenient, modern, efficient. the most advanced version we encountered sensed your presence and lifted its lid when you were near, only to reveal a heated seat for your pampered bottom. when the excitement of voiding was over, there was one button to squirt your bumhole, another to squirt your fannyhole if you had one (or jet your balls if you didn't have one but wanted to know what happened when you pressed that button), another button to massage your arse with rhythmic squirts of water, and a final button to fan dry your pudendum, dripping wet after all that fun. when it was all over, you simply had to walk away - no need to even look back - the toilet flushed and closed automatically. before leaving, one could wash their hands under the automatic tap - not that you've touched anything but a few laminated buttons anyway.
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and that was basically our experience of japan - convenient, clean, efficient and modern, but slightly distanced from reality and not particularly interactive.
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6 weeks on from our holiday, it's time to refocus the retrospectoscope back on the land of the rising sun. join me as i reminisce! expect multiple small entries - and feel free to leave a comment/not leave a comment/get fucked/eat 4 king size cherry ripes in one sitting like i did last week and arrive at a higher level of existence. the choice is quite simply yours :)
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